**NEWS FLASH** I am not cool. (hard to believe, I know) I have always pretty much been aware of this fact, but it was actually confirmed by my 16 year old niece the other day. She was talking to her mom and made an offhand remark about how she "probably even wears packaged underwear". The tone and look that accompanied this sentence was neither appreciative nor flattering, as if it were the worst thing you could say about a person. It was VERY clear that everybody who is anybody apparently wears hand picked (singly purchased) panties. It was brought to my attention that not only am I not currently cool, but I have, in fact, never, not ever (except one time in college, when I received a Victoria's Secret gift card) been cool.
Ouch. BOOM!
There goes all of the hard work I put in curling (and back combing) my bangs for the entire 80s, there goes my pegged pants with layered socks (alternating colors on each side), there goes that 3 months I freaking STARVED on the Atkins diet, AND my ultra hip overalls in high school. Always, underneath, I was wearing packaged undies. No matter what I did on the outside, it wouldn't change my less than amazing under things. If only I had known. Le sigh. You know what? Nope, I was born a cotton girl, and I will live each day secure in that knowledge. It softens the blow a little that I have always hated the cool kids, and was never interested in being one. (maybe way, way down deep, but mostly not even there, it's just not my style) If I were to have a label it would read more like redneck, hippie, funky clown. Cool? not even a chance. Fun? You bet your sweet ass.
ps, nobody wants to see this booty sporting a whale tail. Your welcome.
psps, these opinions are all my very own, and I have not been compensated by Hanes in any way. Although, I totally should be, since I ROCK the cotton boy cuts that come in a 3 pack at Target.
No comments:
Post a Comment