It's funny sometimes, how our feelings seem so out of our control. Yesterday I had a blue day, for no reason at all (except the phase of the moon, hormones, holidays, you know, no reason). The sun was shining and it was a crisp winter day, the sky was blue and the kids were even trying to behave. Yet there I was, crying into my shirt about how sad I was. I was very sad.
It is easy to get sucked into the "poor me" mentality. I have to change Layla's pump site and it will hurt her, and it will hurt my heart. I have to have workers here all week to fix a problem that came about all on it's own, with no rhyme or reason,(underground wiring, rain, rocks) and it costs money. I want to eat chocolate, or carbs, or anything but celery, but I know that it wouldn't help me reach my goal of getting to where I want to be. I want my hair to look pretty, and it doesn't, it sticks out, and my face is round, and too pink. The shoes that I ordered don't fit. My chocolate didn't come in the mail...Silly things. Things that don't matter.
Guess what? Last night there was a storm, there was wild wind, and pouring rain, and today the sun was out again. The roads were all messy, trees had lost branches, and the creek by our house was swollen up, full to the very edges of it's banks. I went for a run outside. It is beautiful here. Right here, where I get to live, it is paradise. Sure it is wet, and soggy and covered with moss, but I have a warm dry house, and fuzzy pants. (and today, I have back up at home with me, so the teams are even).
Sometimes it takes a storm to shake things up a bit, make it nice and messy, so it can become clear how lucky we are. In it's chaos, and the destruction that it leaves behind, it reveals the things that are comfortable that we take for granted, every day. Today, in the fresh air, I realised that yes, Layla having diabetes does suck. Bad. It sucks worse than anything else. But also, we are lucky enough that we have money to buy her insulin, and pump supplies. Not everyone is that lucky. Today, I thought about how lame it is to have to pay a bunch of money at Christmas time, to electricians, to fix something that just broke (even though it shouldn't have),but, we are lucky that it will get fixed. (and in time for my parents to get to come stay with us for Christmas). MY PARENTS ARE COMING FOR CHRISTMAS! I ate one delicious (small) muffin, and I remembered that I am looking better every day because of the changes I have been making, and every decision counts. I looked in the mirror and laughed, remembering that it is just hair, and I am lucky to have any at all. (also that pink is a great color to be, it is bright, and healthy and alive.)
It's all about perspective, the way you look at something can change the way it is, to you at least, and let's face it, that's what counts. Today was a good day, I made it that way. I am in total control of my own happiness. (well..today I am, that chocolate better come soon!)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
let he who is without sin...
I had a curious interaction today with a boy in our science class. I was helping a little girl with her project and he came up to me and asked "are you a Christian?" Not wanting to scare him (or offend this little fellow) and also feeling a little curious about where this conversation was headed, I answered "some days.." He glanced at my ring finger, (where I have my wedding band tattooed) then turned his tone very condescending and said "well, the bible says you shouldn't put ink on your body!" HA!
It should be known that I have spent a fair amount of time in church, and I am very well aware of what the bible says. I am also aware that the good book has been translated, updated and rewritten so many times, that the original text is a mere digest of what it once was. The actual verse is in Leviticus (19:28) and says, "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord." Seems pretty clear doesn't it. Indeed. (and here comes my problem with that) Just for fun, let's go ahead and look some of the other verses right around those couple of sentences, shall we? This passage in Leviticus, including the surrounding text, is specifically dealing with the pagan religious rituals of the people living around the Israelites. God didn't want his people to get confused (apparently by looking like the pagan tribes that were their neighbors, in case it would lead them astray) fair enough. He is their father and he is trying to protect them.
This is the go to passage that is quoted when people that don't appreciate tattoos want to show you that the bible says it is wrong. Why do you think they never mention the verses that come right before it? ready, and.....verse 26, "Do not eat meat that has not been drained of its blood," and verse 27, "Do not trim off the hair on your temples or trim your beards." This would mean that all Christians should keep kosher and not get haircuts! (or else face the harsh wrath of being a practicing pagan!) Back then these customs were associated with pagan rites and rituals. Today they are not. I think my favorite though is back just a little further, (Leviticus 19:19) "Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you." The good people of Israel were commanded to avoid the mixing of fibers in their garments! Like I mentioned before, I have spent many an hour in a pew and I am telling you, polyester blends were all OVER that place. (not to mention the super cute, but overly judgmental kid today, was wearing at least 3 different kinds of fabric.) I bet you a dollar he couldn't quote any of those other verses surrounding the one that he referenced to me. It made me wonder why he would think that it was his job to tell me that I was bad. Bad according to who? A bad mother? A bad wife? A bad person?
I hope that in raising my children I teach them to be loving, caring, compassionate humans, that are less judgmental and more forgiving. The world has enough finger pointing and furrowed eyebrows. It needs more understanding glances, more people willing to help others, more good neighbors, more art, more poetry, more smiles.
I will tell you right now (in good faith) that I am not a pagan. I'm not. I am not against them, I just don't happen to be one. Also, the wisdom of our mothers still rings true-don't judge a book by it's cover. You will, inevitably, miss all of the very best ones if you are going for the prettiest, most perfect copy. The ones with the colorful jackets, scuffed bindings and dog eared pages always have the best stories, the most adventure, and you would be surprised how much truth, honesty and goodness you will find inside.
Kids are so cool, they are exactly a product of their environment. It was a good reminder what a monumental task we have in our hands, right now, and how very careful we must be to let them become distinct individuals, with morals and standards, but at the same time, shelter them from the glaring harshness of reality whenever we can. To try and help them become productive members of society, while securing in themselves the knowledge that they are amazing, and beautiful, and brilliant. And that everyone is different. Thank God.
It should be known that I have spent a fair amount of time in church, and I am very well aware of what the bible says. I am also aware that the good book has been translated, updated and rewritten so many times, that the original text is a mere digest of what it once was. The actual verse is in Leviticus (19:28) and says, "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord." Seems pretty clear doesn't it. Indeed. (and here comes my problem with that) Just for fun, let's go ahead and look some of the other verses right around those couple of sentences, shall we? This passage in Leviticus, including the surrounding text, is specifically dealing with the pagan religious rituals of the people living around the Israelites. God didn't want his people to get confused (apparently by looking like the pagan tribes that were their neighbors, in case it would lead them astray) fair enough. He is their father and he is trying to protect them.
This is the go to passage that is quoted when people that don't appreciate tattoos want to show you that the bible says it is wrong. Why do you think they never mention the verses that come right before it? ready, and.....verse 26, "Do not eat meat that has not been drained of its blood," and verse 27, "Do not trim off the hair on your temples or trim your beards." This would mean that all Christians should keep kosher and not get haircuts! (or else face the harsh wrath of being a practicing pagan!) Back then these customs were associated with pagan rites and rituals. Today they are not. I think my favorite though is back just a little further, (Leviticus 19:19) "Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you." The good people of Israel were commanded to avoid the mixing of fibers in their garments! Like I mentioned before, I have spent many an hour in a pew and I am telling you, polyester blends were all OVER that place. (not to mention the super cute, but overly judgmental kid today, was wearing at least 3 different kinds of fabric.) I bet you a dollar he couldn't quote any of those other verses surrounding the one that he referenced to me. It made me wonder why he would think that it was his job to tell me that I was bad. Bad according to who? A bad mother? A bad wife? A bad person?
I hope that in raising my children I teach them to be loving, caring, compassionate humans, that are less judgmental and more forgiving. The world has enough finger pointing and furrowed eyebrows. It needs more understanding glances, more people willing to help others, more good neighbors, more art, more poetry, more smiles.
I will tell you right now (in good faith) that I am not a pagan. I'm not. I am not against them, I just don't happen to be one. Also, the wisdom of our mothers still rings true-don't judge a book by it's cover. You will, inevitably, miss all of the very best ones if you are going for the prettiest, most perfect copy. The ones with the colorful jackets, scuffed bindings and dog eared pages always have the best stories, the most adventure, and you would be surprised how much truth, honesty and goodness you will find inside.
Kids are so cool, they are exactly a product of their environment. It was a good reminder what a monumental task we have in our hands, right now, and how very careful we must be to let them become distinct individuals, with morals and standards, but at the same time, shelter them from the glaring harshness of reality whenever we can. To try and help them become productive members of society, while securing in themselves the knowledge that they are amazing, and beautiful, and brilliant. And that everyone is different. Thank God.
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