just for me

My blog is private  now. When I went to work at the Academy, I decided that it was not in my best interest for my students to be able to see my insides, so I shut it down. Since then, it has stayed quiet. Now it is just for me.
Writing is therapy for me, it is my thoughts outside of my head, so I can remember them, experience them again later. Some things are wonderful to see again, some things are painful, but they are all real things, that I have been through, that have brought me to where I am, the person I am today. We are only the culmination of our experience, and what we motivate to act on.  We are not inherently good or bad, we just are. We have control to change our path or continue further in the direction we are headed, it is simply about the choices we make.
Today I am proud. And humble. It is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It makes my heart feel like bursting to know that there was once a man as great as him. I feel encouraged to do my best, incite change and be brave in the face of adversity.  Change starts with me, I believe this to be true.
 Today I had a talk with Layla about being kind, and I feel like my parenting is really starting to go in a  way I am proud of. I have struggled greatly for many years with this. One one hand, I wanted to make sure my girls are thankful and humble, and on the other hand I want to give them them everything they desire in this world. Everything  I desired for them. My beautiful girls are finally at an age where they can listen and understand. They can participate in a conversation and understand the benefits or detriments of their choices. There is no longer yelling and frustration, but honest, open dialogue about how our choices affect others. (I know the teen years await me, and I am hoping I can keep a solid grasp on my own behavior. Fingers crossed)
I am also trying to lead by example and making good choices myself. Today I went to the gym alone and swam for 30 minutes. It wasn't fast and it wasn't pretty, but I did it. I wasn't sure I could drag my ass out of the pool afterwards, and when I did, I thought I was going to puke. (I didn't)
One day at a time. There is not a day that we can't make better, even if it's just a little. Words matter, actions matter, I matter.
Be the change you want to see in the world. I want my girls to be a reflection of me. I want all of us to be good and happy and kind. I want it to be contagious.


“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.