I broke the scale. Well, the batteries died a long long time ago and I never put new ones in, I decided that I just didn't want to know. Today, curiosity got the best of me and I hopped right back on my old nemesis, looked down at the number, and didn't hate myself. (yay me) I think this shows that I am growing as a person. Oh wait. ha. (yup, that too)
I decided to go back to my dieting journal and look back to see how my current weight stacked up against my previously recorded weight. The first numbers I kept were from a diet in February 2006, exactly 6 years ago. My starting weight then was 1.2 pounds less than what I weigh this very minute. All of these binges and purges and running and walking and diets and falling off the wagon and self loathing and hard work and in 6 years, I have gained 1 pound. (I realistically think I could crap out the .2 pound, so I am rounding here)
In between the first page and the current one, there are many note I have written to myself, goals, plans, promises. Reasons why I am super great just how I am, but why I could be so, SO much better if I just weighed a little (or a lot) less. There are literally tens of pages (I crack myself up) of journaling, logging every bite of food that goes into my mouth and every step I take. It is really interesting for me to look at now, since I am not currently on a food restricted diet. The action plan today is to eat "clean" food and move my body. Good plan. If I can stick to the current rate of 1 pound of weight gain every 6 years, and I live to be 85, I will gain 8 more pounds in my life. If I continue the yoyo route I have been taking the last 6 years, it seems like I will gain and lose the same damn fat that refuses to leave my little body. Maybe I don't need to fight. Maybe I need to love. Make art not war. (making cookies is also always a favorite)
I am thinking of redirecting my journal. Instead of writing about food (which by now, in my book is obviously completely useless) I am going to track amazing moments. Soul food. I could really give a rats ass what I ate Thursday, March 2nd 2006 (but I know every bite). That is the day after my birthday, I wonder what happened that day. Did I laugh (most likely not much, I only ate 1300 calories, no way there was any birthday cake-oh the travesty!) I think I will still record occasional weights just to see how things are going at any time, but the tids and bits surrounding it now will not be low cal snack cakes and carrot sticks, it will be jokes, quips, and stories. I am not only abundantly blessed in this body (see what I did there?...lemonade, people!) I am blessed in every other way as well. Let's keep the focus positive shall we?
Now I will sign out and go live my life, I just know wonderful things will happen today!
Showing posts with label I survived..so far. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I survived..so far. Show all posts
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
P is for poop
The end of the school year is upon us, and by the end of next month we will have gotten through our second year of home school! The girls have their last classes this week (even though we are supposed to continue lessons through June), and Maggie had her last day of kindergarten yesterday.
When we got home Layla spent the afternoon painting printer paper with black paint, and made Maggie a graduation cap, along with an award certificate for her big day. Maggie wore the cap (once it was dry) and they had a little parade around the living room while humming pomp and circumstance. Very appropriate. (which is new for us. ha)
At long last I got my hot little hands on Maggie's alphabet book, which she has been working on all year. It is amazing (I may be biased, but probably I'm not, and my baby is a prodigy) and I am thrilled to finally get to call it my own! (you may remember it from this post) The holy grail of kindergarten projects is now mine. I am one happy lady.
P is also for proud, which is how I feel about my girls. We have made it through another year, and we are all still pretty much intact. I think a pizza party is in order. (with beer. for me.)
and now, because I love you, and it was too good to keep all to myself:
When we got home Layla spent the afternoon painting printer paper with black paint, and made Maggie a graduation cap, along with an award certificate for her big day. Maggie wore the cap (once it was dry) and they had a little parade around the living room while humming pomp and circumstance. Very appropriate. (which is new for us. ha)
At long last I got my hot little hands on Maggie's alphabet book, which she has been working on all year. It is amazing (I may be biased, but probably I'm not, and my baby is a prodigy) and I am thrilled to finally get to call it my own! (you may remember it from this post) The holy grail of kindergarten projects is now mine. I am one happy lady.
P is also for proud, which is how I feel about my girls. We have made it through another year, and we are all still pretty much intact. I think a pizza party is in order. (with beer. for me.)
and now, because I love you, and it was too good to keep all to myself:
 |
| My new favorite thing. |
 |
| Q is for Queen |
 |
| official "you have graduated!" certificate, and home made graduate's cap (with tassel). priceless. |
Monday, May 23, 2011
you can't always get what you want..
even though I am kind of used to getting just that. I had to go and mention irony, and in it's true fashion, it turned around and kicked me right in my ass. Not cool Universe, not cool.
As it turns out, a mere week after seeing the balloon, I wished I had it. My mother in law was on her way in to hug us goodbye, and hit the road back home to Alaska, when she fell out of the camper (in my driveway... on her way to say goodbye) and broke her femur. True story. The paramedics rolled (you may remember the young hotties that they keep at our local fire department down the road, from when they paid me a special visit on Valentine's day '08 after plunging a meat thermometer through my vegetarian hand..oh sweet irony, you've bested me again. Will I ever learn?!(this is said with reverence, not as a challenge, please understand))
Anyway, sweet young things came to my rescue once again. (sidebar: would it really be too much to ask that once, just once, when I had a need for emergency assistance, that a distinguished gentleman, or woman, would come to my aid? What is with the part time models thinking it's fine to be paramedics?! As if when someone has to cut your pants off, in the driveway, (yes it did), it is too much to ask that they could they just look like my mom, instead of the boy that didn't take me to the prom in high school?! SHIT!) Whisked my mil off in an ambulance, and then with a sideways smile, invited me to Starbucks. Um. Never mind. (my life is so weird)
She goes to the emergency room, and then gets admitted for emergency surgery. Alan meets his folks at the hospital, and calls me later to pick him up there. His car is dead in the parking lot. **shaking fist at irony** Car gets towed from ER parking lot. Etc..Etc..Etc....You are starting to get the picture.
Fast forward to today (since I wish I could). When everything gets all straightened out again, man am I going to appreciate it. Forever. I am sure that I don't need anymore tests of my strength, or mental stability (since I think we are all on the same page there..)
The sun is supposed to be out tomorrow. If they served spiked coffee at Starbucks, I might would take Mr. Hottie McFratboy up on his offer for a cuppa. Alas, we are knee deep in school, appointments, and packing to have any time for decompression, so onward. I will take it like a woman. Dominate. (or hang on by a thin thread, but do it wearing my best jeans, so at least my butt will look good)
Then, when all of this has passed, I will try to look back and laugh, happy to have survived. (then try to forget most of the details)
ps, I also survived the end of the world, which was predicted to be this last weekend. Guess I'm not done here yet. Although, truthfully I was almost looking forward to it. I am tired.
As it turns out, a mere week after seeing the balloon, I wished I had it. My mother in law was on her way in to hug us goodbye, and hit the road back home to Alaska, when she fell out of the camper (in my driveway... on her way to say goodbye) and broke her femur. True story. The paramedics rolled (you may remember the young hotties that they keep at our local fire department down the road, from when they paid me a special visit on Valentine's day '08 after plunging a meat thermometer through my vegetarian hand..oh sweet irony, you've bested me again. Will I ever learn?!(this is said with reverence, not as a challenge, please understand))
Anyway, sweet young things came to my rescue once again. (sidebar: would it really be too much to ask that once, just once, when I had a need for emergency assistance, that a distinguished gentleman, or woman, would come to my aid? What is with the part time models thinking it's fine to be paramedics?! As if when someone has to cut your pants off, in the driveway, (yes it did), it is too much to ask that they could they just look like my mom, instead of the boy that didn't take me to the prom in high school?! SHIT!) Whisked my mil off in an ambulance, and then with a sideways smile, invited me to Starbucks. Um. Never mind. (my life is so weird)
She goes to the emergency room, and then gets admitted for emergency surgery. Alan meets his folks at the hospital, and calls me later to pick him up there. His car is dead in the parking lot. **shaking fist at irony** Car gets towed from ER parking lot. Etc..Etc..Etc....You are starting to get the picture.
Fast forward to today (since I wish I could). When everything gets all straightened out again, man am I going to appreciate it. Forever. I am sure that I don't need anymore tests of my strength, or mental stability (since I think we are all on the same page there..)
The sun is supposed to be out tomorrow. If they served spiked coffee at Starbucks, I might would take Mr. Hottie McFratboy up on his offer for a cuppa. Alas, we are knee deep in school, appointments, and packing to have any time for decompression, so onward. I will take it like a woman. Dominate. (or hang on by a thin thread, but do it wearing my best jeans, so at least my butt will look good)
Then, when all of this has passed, I will try to look back and laugh, happy to have survived. (then try to forget most of the details)
ps, I also survived the end of the world, which was predicted to be this last weekend. Guess I'm not done here yet. Although, truthfully I was almost looking forward to it. I am tired.
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