I was right.

I usually am.

There were so many amazing things this time (as always). I swam in the warm cyan waters of the Pacific, with brightly colored tropical fishes, I ate so many wonderful meals, with tastes that don't even exist here, and enjoyed beautiful, soft sand beaches that most people only ever read about. Mexico makes me wish that I could process more, feel more, enjoy more, and remember it all. It is a sad truth that almost immediately, the sharp edge of the moment is dulled by the next experience that follows closely behind it. It is wonderful and tragic all at once. There are so many shades of light that dance across the endless horizon, aromas that gently play around the edge of your consciousness, memories so wonderful yet gentle, that you can't quite be sure they actually happened once they are gone.

So many things in life just can't be adequately expressed with words, and yet, if we don't write them down, we will certainly have already lost them.
I got to hold a tiny sea turtle baby on the day it was hatched. It was about 2 inches long and very, very strong. I held it in sand covered hands, and then set it down on the beach, to try and make it's way to the ocean. The guide told us that 1 out of 1000 baby sea turtles survive, so most likely my little baby would live a very short life. But, just maybe, mine would be the one. Nothing is as powerful as hope. It only takes one. Do something amazing today.

late night

or, in this case, early morning.  It's 4am, and I am waiting for my airport shuttle.  I feel excited and anxious all at the same time.  The thing is, Alan takes such good care of me, it has been a good long bit since I have had to really worry about taking care of myself.  This little trip is going to be a good chance for me to depend on me for a change.
I am all packed in a backpack, I have a bathing suit and my camera. Starbucks put out the salted caramel, mocha frappuccino yesterday (I'm pretty sure, just for me) and something amazing is going to happen soon. I can feel it.
Until then...

a new day

My dad is cancer free! What a fantastic idea.  I like to think that even when shitty things happen, they leave, in their wake, the opportunity of something good.  There is not a better reminder to appreciate your health, than being at the hospital, beside the bed of a loved one.  It is a familiar place for me, but even I can always appreciate a gentle reminder.
  I also got a chance to remember how much I love being home, and my bed, and my fridge (and snack drawer). And Alan. Of course to add to it just a little, I got sick myself (just a cold) and have been on the mend for a few days. Oh irony, leave me the hell alone already. It's not funny any more and I am tired.

Layla starts 3rd grade at public school next week, and we all have mixed feelings about that.  We are excited but anxious. (Mostly me) I am also looking forward to having just one "student" at home this year.  Maggie is glad to get some extra attention for a bit, and I am glad to be able to give it to her.  The girls are growing and changing so fast, it's hard not to miss some things.  Maggie has no front teeth and Layla's reading has really taken off. (also she has aged about 20 years this year and insists on parenting me ALL of the time. As if I can't handle it myself.....ok, good point)

On a brighter note, I cashed in my award miles and got myself a ticket to Puerto Vallarta. I talked a friend into going with me, (it will be hot, HOT, and sticky humid) and we are excited to spend some much needed time in the shade and the pool and the bar.  It is sea turtle season and I am beyond excited to finally get to release baby sea turtles!  It is something I have always wanted to do, and since we usually travel on the other side of the year, I always miss it.  Mostly I am excited to just get away. Turns out that parenting and cancer and diabetes and stress are a lot for this girl.  I am hoping to return refreshed and revitalized and ready to tackle the school year. I will get back just in time to get packed for Las Vegas.  Alan is taking me to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. (I know! I AM too young to have been married that long! I still scold my mom for allowing such a thing to take place. I mean, it all worked out in the end but, GEEZ!)

I am thankful every day that I don't have to live with 99% of the decisions I made when I was 15. And I am thankful every day that I still get to live with one of them.  I love you Alan.

It's me!

you might not recognise me though, since I have lost 21 pounds!! (don't worry, I won't steal your man...on purpose) I like to think it is because I have been so good at cutting back on portions, and making good food choices, and literally running and sweating my ass off in hot yoga, but maybe it's because I do not have a free moment in a day to just sit down. Either way, I'll take it for now, and later when I pass out from exhaustion, maybe work something else out. (if it ain't broke..)
I have also been completely dominating the field in homeschooling lately, and, um, I guess that's all.
I had an epiphany recently, life is like juggling. You can, at any one time, keep a couple, or maybe if you are really good, a few balls in the air. If you do nothing else, you can hone your skills and eventually people can throw extra balls at you, that you can manage with ease and make everyone wonder how you do it. I however, never even learned to juggle, so I am pretty much screwed. I am trying here, really I am, but my manual dexterity is questionable, and that, combined with my lack of grace, and my propensity for distraction, makes the whole thing kind of almost impossible. My balls (haha-balls!) are currently: 1) getting myself healthier and 2) home school. I am ROCKING these. I Guess I can juggle after all. (when there aren't actual balls involved, apparently I can figure it out.)(haha-balls) I can do these 2 things. Never mind that my house is a mess, my car is out of gas, and I can't remember what my husband looks like. (lucky for me, Alan has had decades of practice cleaning up after me-literally and figuratively) so he doesn't even notice a difference except that I have a few less chins now. And he likes it. Everybody's a winner.
In other news, I am going to Mexico for my birthday. We are leaving in a month, I think I will start packing. My mom is coming to stay with the girls, and will probably juggle my stuff, add 12 more things, and set them all on fire whilst riding a unicycle. Moms are magical, how do they do that? Shit! Am I supposed to do be able to pull that off some day?! I need a nap.

Home is where

I am. It was sunny and 90ish degrees every day in Puerto Vallarta, and it hasn't stopped raining since we arrived home a little over a week ago. Now, since I am sure you have been patiently waiting (and holding your breath) and just to torture myself, since I am a closet masochist, I will try to recount to you, the magic that is Mexico.
Day 1:
After a short nap, we left for the airport around 3am. I had been up late to finish packing, brief the aunties (again), shave my legs, paint my toes, double check that my bathing suit was packed, and you know, make up things to stress about in general. We boarded the flight without a problem and had landed in Phoenix in no time.
I had a blind date with an internet friend for coffee at the Phoenix airport during our layover, so we headed out of security for that, and I proceeded to do jumping jacks in the middle of the concourse until Cynthia found me. (How else would a stranger recognise you?!) She was awesome, the bagels were fine and the coffee was terrible. Soon, it was time to head back through security for our flight to Mexico. We waited in a long security line and finally found our gate. There was no one there. There was no airplane there. Alan went to check the monitor, and found that they had moved our flight, it was now 2 concourses over, and they were boarding. We RAN the entire way, arrived breathless, and boarded as soon as we got to the gate. There was sweat but luckily no tears (ok, well maybe just a couple of little ones). When we were finally in the air, I started to relax.
We arrived in Puerto Vallarta around 3pm on Saturday along with about 6 other airplanes (by the looks of the cramped and stuffy passenger holding area) and had to wait over an hour to get through immigration. We got the crankiest, slowest, worker that has ever walked the planet, and she was hesitant to let anyone into her country. Listen, I get it, Mexico is great, but um, we have been flying since way before dawn, and I am ready for about 13 beers, so, GEEZ! It was torturous. Finally we got through everything and wound our way out of the airport, to find Robert (queue angels singing) waiting for us with a cooler full of cold beer and a nice cool ride for us back to Old town. It was like I was home.
We got to our room,(not the penthouse-sigh) dropped our backpacks, and headed down for a sunset dinner on the beach. We got to catch up with our friends with our toes in the sand, eat amazing food, and watch the sun set over the ocean. Hours later as we sat on our balcony watching the waves, we decided to take our beers down to the beach again, (it never gets old) so we could be just a few feet closer to the water. We sat there in the dark and chatted and laughed just like on our honeymoon (oh, I am a LIAR! we never had a honeymoon, I was 12 and Alan had finals the next day or something, but in a perfect world, if we had one, it would have been like this) We were both exhausted, so finally we drug ourselves out of the trance we were in, and decided to head back to our room.
It was then that we (quite literally) stumbled onto another couple sitting on the beach not far behind us. They informed us that a friend of theirs owned the villa just down the beach, and was currently hosting a wedding. (phew! I thought it was funny that an 80's soundtrack was playing in my mind, but was having a hard time explaining the disco lights. PLUS probably a little more air supply if my subconscious was actually in charge) There was going to be fireworks soon right from our beach! They were scheduled for 10:30, but this was Mexico, so it would probably happen tonight. Since we had nothing planned for the evening, we sat back down in the sand. At 11:15(ish) we saw someone scurrying around down the beach, and moments later, our private show started. They were huge and beautiful, and almost close enough to touch. For about 10 minutes we watched the most amazing show of our lives with our new friends. Time after time, the sparks shot up into the air, exploded, and then rained glitter down into the water, leaving behind puffs of smoke and magic. (I would like to amend earlier honeymoon fantasy to also include this)
After the show was over we went back to the room, and slept. Hard.
How can real life possibly compete with this?!

Portland Airport at 3am

at the PHX airport, with our backpacks!

My (real life) friend Cynthia!

vacation check list

*cute new haircut--check
*break in new sandals, as to have calluses instead of blisters--check
*back up camera battery--check
*back up memory card--check (the sales guy told me that the difference between an amateur and a pro is 1000 shots, we will see about that)
*go on a fast to lose 20 pounds, but instead lose 5 pounds and then gain it back in prevacation binge--check
*pluck beard hair--check
*practice pack, then pull everything out, then practice pack again, forget bathing suit every single time--check (leaving actual packing until 2 hours before flight departure time)
*make laminated lists and rules and instructions for babysitters (who happen to be the aunties, who on their worst day are like 10,000 times better at watching the kids than me anyway) appreciate the irony--check


to do still before we leave:
*shave legs (past knees-this is a special occasion)
*paint toe nails in some, as of yet to be determined, amazing color
*make 47 more lists for the aunties (and laminate)
*clearly mark all emergency exits with reflective tape and streamers
*figure out how to get a weeks worth of stuff into a small backpack (including bathing suit)
*put bathing suit in a really obvious place, possibly wear it to bed that night (plan on finding a new one when we get there, when I forget it anyway, or hope we get the upgrade to a penthouse, with our own pool, where Alan can enforce his "no bathing suit" policy)
*don't forget to breathe. Going on vacation is hard work!