in real life

Since the days have been darker and colder and wetter, the kids are now allowed to participate in more electronic media. They always love to play wii and watch tv, but in the spring and summer, the answer is usually no.  Now that sending them outside to play isn't always an option, the no's have slowly transitioned into yes. The girls are beyond thrilled, I have parental guilt. And on and on it goes.
This morning Layla is playing Super Mario Brothers and as usual, there is complete domination happening on screen, while Mags (her ever faithful cheerleader) is yipping and dancing in the background. I think she is the coach, since she keeps barking out instructions. "GET THE TUBE!" "DUCK!" "WATCH FOR THAT FLOWER!" I have no idea what they are doing, but listening is really fantastic, and I like how they can both participate without both of them actually playing the video game.
In a wonderful example of play imitating real life, I just overheard this discussion:
"Oh please Layla, don't kill them, they are so so cute!!"
"I don't want to kill them, but they are EVIL!"
"Just let them be....CUUUTTTEE!!"
"Listen up, they are going to kill me. They are evil, I have to get them first!"
"But. They. Are. SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!"
(haha, I have had this exact same conversation with Alan lots of times, although it isn't about flying frogs in video games)
Then, without a thought, she totally annihilated them all. It makes the decisions easier when there is a rule book. Unfortunately, parenting doesn't come with one, but if it did, I'm sure #1 would be DON'T KILL THE CUTE THINGS.
Sometimes, you just gotta laugh.

joke of the day

Maggie: What is brown and sticky?
me: ?
Maggie: A STICK!!!

this is (of course) my new very favorite joke.

big girl pants

so I think that funny people are all kind of fucked up. Seriously, with a few exceptions, everyone that I know who is pee your pants funny, is also kind of, well, mental too.  If you haven't noticed, I am pretty funny...

I have spent a while being depressed.  It isn't a choice, it is an affliction.  It is nasty, like an infection and spreads if your not careful, so that soon it is all over you, and hard to recover from.  It's not contagious, but the people around you certainly suffer when you have it. Lucky for me, the people around me are completely awesome, and love me even harder when I am horrible, so in the end everything will turn out ok. I know this to be true, and it is one of the things that keeps me going.  The other is that I have been through it before. I know that sometime, it will be over, and I can be happy again. Maybe not today, but if I keep waking up, and going through the motions for long enough, one day, things will be better.
Also if I eat mass amounts of deep fat fried food and ice cream, that will help. and vodka. (ok, well maybe help isn't really the right word-but it certainly passes the time)
Until that day, I will pull up my big girl pants and deal. (they are made of fleece and have polar bears on them, just so you can get a proper visual) and most likely fuzzy socks too. and chocolate. (wonder if I could pull another last minute trip to Mexico out of it..too much? yeah, I kind of thought so too. Wonder what the time frame on that is?)

As always, Maggie has perfect timing.  I just got this. Thanks for the reminder sweetie girl.xo

 Let's do this.

face lift

I played around on the blog for a while today to change things up a bit.  I want to put my own picture in the back ground, but I am all on my own with figuring these things out, so for now, it is this.
I also tried to track down "Travis" on Facebook, just to see if he was anything like I remembered.  It took a short amount of time (pretty amazing really, since I couldn't remember-or didn't ever know-his last name, or the last name of the friend that introduced us) I think I found a pretty good candidate, and he looks NOTHING like my memory. (you know, since it may or may not even be him) Ha. Life is funny like that.  The Travis I found has a wife and a daughter, and a whole entire story of his own. It's funny how that happens, life just goes on for everyone.  I bet he doesn't even remember me. Anyway, he (like me) has gained some weight, is happily married, and (not like me) is covered in tatts. Looks like it worked out for everyone.  I love a story with a happy ending. (even when it includes a little internet stalking. oops)

my own advice

Well, things have changed swiftly around here lately. Both of the girls are now enrolled in public school, and I am working on opening a little gift shop with a new friend.  I don't know (yet) if it is actually something amazing, but it is keeping me very busy, and the girls are loving school, so it seems like a really nice fit for us for now.
(que flashback)
Once, when I was much younger, and ridiculously cuter (wish I had a picture, it would be my profile on facebook for sure) I met a boy. His name was Travis, and he was dreamy. I mean, not of this world good looking. And charming, and funny. We hung out for one day and fell in love. (love might not be quite the right word for it) anyway, he asked me to marry him and made me all kinds of promises for the future. Man, he was cute. (and he could wear some jeans!) We spent the evening laying in the tall grass, holding hands, looking at the stars and whispering things. We had one day. It was 100% innocent and sweet.  I never saw him again. Nothing exciting or tragic happened (too bad, I could have sold the screen play) but it has always left me with a feeling of "what if."  
(back to reality)
I have always wanted to have a shop, and this opportunity was handed to me, so I decided to take the leap.  I am a lucky girl to be sure, and also quite clever some days. I decided that if something unlikely (and beautiful and amazing) is handed to me, it would be foolish to turn it down. I have a fun, sweet memory, and a wonderful husband who I adore (who also happens to blindingly support my silly ideas) and now I will also have a real life shop.  I thought for a minute about calling it Travis, but decided it would require too much explaining, and also probably extra marketing, so it is called Whim.  Much better I think, and still captures the feeling I have about it.
Perfect.

I was right.

I usually am.

There were so many amazing things this time (as always). I swam in the warm cyan waters of the Pacific, with brightly colored tropical fishes, I ate so many wonderful meals, with tastes that don't even exist here, and enjoyed beautiful, soft sand beaches that most people only ever read about. Mexico makes me wish that I could process more, feel more, enjoy more, and remember it all. It is a sad truth that almost immediately, the sharp edge of the moment is dulled by the next experience that follows closely behind it. It is wonderful and tragic all at once. There are so many shades of light that dance across the endless horizon, aromas that gently play around the edge of your consciousness, memories so wonderful yet gentle, that you can't quite be sure they actually happened once they are gone.

So many things in life just can't be adequately expressed with words, and yet, if we don't write them down, we will certainly have already lost them.
I got to hold a tiny sea turtle baby on the day it was hatched. It was about 2 inches long and very, very strong. I held it in sand covered hands, and then set it down on the beach, to try and make it's way to the ocean. The guide told us that 1 out of 1000 baby sea turtles survive, so most likely my little baby would live a very short life. But, just maybe, mine would be the one. Nothing is as powerful as hope. It only takes one. Do something amazing today.

late night

or, in this case, early morning.  It's 4am, and I am waiting for my airport shuttle.  I feel excited and anxious all at the same time.  The thing is, Alan takes such good care of me, it has been a good long bit since I have had to really worry about taking care of myself.  This little trip is going to be a good chance for me to depend on me for a change.
I am all packed in a backpack, I have a bathing suit and my camera. Starbucks put out the salted caramel, mocha frappuccino yesterday (I'm pretty sure, just for me) and something amazing is going to happen soon. I can feel it.
Until then...