SALUD!

I don't have even one free minute, but I wanted to tell you that I am leaving for Mexico in the morning. My in-laws have told us that we probably won't make it out alive, (they tell us this every time) but it happens to be a risk I am willing to take.
In final preparation for take off, I need to paint my toenails (this is always a last minute item, as you may recall), find and conquer the beard hair, shave both legs (past the knee), pack (including new bathing suit with WAAAAAY too much cleavage-thanks mom), and try to get a little sleep before our 4:30 am departure (from home).
Also, my birthday is coming up in 3 days, and I couldn't be more excited. I will enjoy a birthday brunch at Lindo Mar (my very favorite brunch EVER, expect pictures), a cooking class at one of PV's top restaurants, and apparently Alan and Robert are in cahoots on some birthday beach adventure that promises to be amazing. I asked for a piece of jewelery a day for my birthday present, so I am excited to get started on picking out my new treasures, and I am currently down 27 pounds, so I look pretty cute in my beach wear. All in all, not a bad birthday I say.
If we do happen to survive our trip and make it home, there will be stories told and pictures shared. Stay tuned!

adventures in kindergarten

yesterday I was helping out in Maggie's kindergarten class, and they were learning about the letter "P". Each child has a laminated alphabet book that they have been working in since the beginning of the year, and each day they add a new letter or two to the pages. The kids were adding Ps and Rs to the book, along with a picture for each. I was circulating with stickers to encourage their work, so I would stop at each child, check their letters, and ask about their drawings. There were pandas, pencils, parrots and puppies, very strong work. Finally I made my way back to my little sweetie, her Ps were top shelf, I couldn't help but feel a little proud. Then I wanted to compliment her picture but I couldn't quite tell what it was. Trying to be delicate and supportive I said "Mags, I LOVE your drawing, what is happening in it?" She looked up at me, smiled sweetly and said "it's me POOPING!" and started cracking up. "Um, I'm not quite sure that is appropriate hun, for your alphabet book, could you please draw another "P" thing so we can write it on the line under the picture?" Without missing a beat, she picked up her pencil and drew herself some "paper". Indeed.

cutie

this is a quicky. (some days call for those)
This morning the girls watched a movie called Ponyo. It is about a little girl that turns into a goldfish (or the other way around, can't quite remember). Anyway there is a song at the end and it goes "Ponyo, ponyo, ponyo, magic set's you free;
oh she's a little girl with a round tummy". Maggie was skipping around all morning singing it to herself. About the 47th time through she started giggling and said, "hey! she's just like me! I have a round tummy!" and she gave her cute belly a little rub.
Man, I love that girl, she gives me hope that I am doing something right.

It's me!

you might not recognise me though, since I have lost 21 pounds!! (don't worry, I won't steal your man...on purpose) I like to think it is because I have been so good at cutting back on portions, and making good food choices, and literally running and sweating my ass off in hot yoga, but maybe it's because I do not have a free moment in a day to just sit down. Either way, I'll take it for now, and later when I pass out from exhaustion, maybe work something else out. (if it ain't broke..)
I have also been completely dominating the field in homeschooling lately, and, um, I guess that's all.
I had an epiphany recently, life is like juggling. You can, at any one time, keep a couple, or maybe if you are really good, a few balls in the air. If you do nothing else, you can hone your skills and eventually people can throw extra balls at you, that you can manage with ease and make everyone wonder how you do it. I however, never even learned to juggle, so I am pretty much screwed. I am trying here, really I am, but my manual dexterity is questionable, and that, combined with my lack of grace, and my propensity for distraction, makes the whole thing kind of almost impossible. My balls (haha-balls!) are currently: 1) getting myself healthier and 2) home school. I am ROCKING these. I Guess I can juggle after all. (when there aren't actual balls involved, apparently I can figure it out.)(haha-balls) I can do these 2 things. Never mind that my house is a mess, my car is out of gas, and I can't remember what my husband looks like. (lucky for me, Alan has had decades of practice cleaning up after me-literally and figuratively) so he doesn't even notice a difference except that I have a few less chins now. And he likes it. Everybody's a winner.
In other news, I am going to Mexico for my birthday. We are leaving in a month, I think I will start packing. My mom is coming to stay with the girls, and will probably juggle my stuff, add 12 more things, and set them all on fire whilst riding a unicycle. Moms are magical, how do they do that? Shit! Am I supposed to do be able to pull that off some day?! I need a nap.

perspective

It's funny sometimes, how our feelings seem so out of our control. Yesterday I had a blue day, for no reason at all (except the phase of the moon, hormones, holidays, you know, no reason). The sun was shining and it was a crisp winter day, the sky was blue and the kids were even trying to behave. Yet there I was, crying into my shirt about how sad I was. I was very sad.
It is easy to get sucked into the "poor me" mentality. I have to change Layla's pump site and it will hurt her, and it will hurt my heart. I have to have workers here all week to fix a problem that came about all on it's own, with no rhyme or reason,(underground wiring, rain, rocks) and it costs money. I want to eat chocolate, or carbs, or anything but celery, but I know that it wouldn't help me reach my goal of getting to where I want to be. I want my hair to look pretty, and it doesn't, it sticks out, and my face is round, and too pink. The shoes that I ordered don't fit. My chocolate didn't come in the mail...Silly things. Things that don't matter.
Guess what? Last night there was a storm, there was wild wind, and pouring rain, and today the sun was out again. The roads were all messy, trees had lost branches, and the creek by our house was swollen up, full to the very edges of it's banks. I went for a run outside. It is beautiful here. Right here, where I get to live, it is paradise. Sure it is wet, and soggy and covered with moss, but I have a warm dry house, and fuzzy pants. (and today, I have back up at home with me, so the teams are even).
Sometimes it takes a storm to shake things up a bit, make it nice and messy, so it can become clear how lucky we are. In it's chaos, and the destruction that it leaves behind, it reveals the things that are comfortable that we take for granted, every day. Today, in the fresh air, I realised that yes, Layla having diabetes does suck. Bad. It sucks worse than anything else. But also, we are lucky enough that we have money to buy her insulin, and pump supplies. Not everyone is that lucky. Today, I thought about how lame it is to have to pay a bunch of money at Christmas time, to electricians, to fix something that just broke (even though it shouldn't have),but, we are lucky that it will get fixed. (and in time for my parents to get to come stay with us for Christmas). MY PARENTS ARE COMING FOR CHRISTMAS! I ate one delicious (small) muffin, and I remembered that I am looking better every day because of the changes I have been making, and every decision counts. I looked in the mirror and laughed, remembering that it is just hair, and I am lucky to have any at all. (also that pink is a great color to be, it is bright, and healthy and alive.)
It's all about perspective, the way you look at something can change the way it is, to you at least, and let's face it, that's what counts. Today was a good day, I made it that way. I am in total control of my own happiness. (well..today I am, that chocolate better come soon!)

let he who is without sin...

I had a curious interaction today with a boy in our science class. I was helping a little girl with her project and he came up to me and asked "are you a Christian?" Not wanting to scare him (or offend this little fellow) and also feeling a little curious about where this conversation was headed, I answered "some days.." He glanced at my ring finger, (where I have my wedding band tattooed) then turned his tone very condescending and said "well, the bible says you shouldn't put ink on your body!" HA!
It should be known that I have spent a fair amount of time in church, and I am very well aware of what the bible says. I am also aware that the good book has been translated, updated and rewritten so many times, that the original text is a mere digest of what it once was. The actual verse is in Leviticus (19:28) and says, "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord." Seems pretty clear doesn't it. Indeed. (and here comes my problem with that) Just for fun, let's go ahead and look some of the other verses right around those couple of sentences, shall we? This passage in Leviticus, including the surrounding text, is specifically dealing with the pagan religious rituals of the people living around the Israelites. God didn't want his people to get confused (apparently by looking like the pagan tribes that were their neighbors, in case it would lead them astray) fair enough. He is their father and he is trying to protect them.
This is the go to passage that is quoted when people that don't appreciate tattoos want to show you that the bible says it is wrong. Why do you think they never mention the verses that come right before it? ready, and.....verse 26, "Do not eat meat that has not been drained of its blood," and verse 27, "Do not trim off the hair on your temples or trim your beards." This would mean that all Christians should keep kosher and not get haircuts! (or else face the harsh wrath of being a practicing pagan!) Back then these customs were associated with pagan rites and rituals. Today they are not. I think my favorite though is back just a little further, (Leviticus 19:19) "Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you." The good people of Israel were commanded to avoid the mixing of fibers in their garments! Like I mentioned before, I have spent many an hour in a pew and I am telling you, polyester blends were all OVER that place. (not to mention the super cute, but overly judgmental kid today, was wearing at least 3 different kinds of fabric.) I bet you a dollar he couldn't quote any of those other verses surrounding the one that he referenced to me. It made me wonder why he would think that it was his job to tell me that I was bad. Bad according to who? A bad mother? A bad wife? A bad person?
I hope that in raising my children I teach them to be loving, caring, compassionate humans, that are less judgmental and more forgiving. The world has enough finger pointing and furrowed eyebrows. It needs more understanding glances, more people willing to help others, more good neighbors, more art, more poetry, more smiles.
I will tell you right now (in good faith) that I am not a pagan. I'm not. I am not against them, I just don't happen to be one. Also, the wisdom of our mothers still rings true-don't judge a book by it's cover. You will, inevitably, miss all of the very best ones if you are going for the prettiest, most perfect copy. The ones with the colorful jackets, scuffed bindings and dog eared pages always have the best stories, the most adventure, and you would be surprised how much truth, honesty and goodness you will find inside.
Kids are so cool, they are exactly a product of their environment. It was a good reminder what a monumental task we have in our hands, right now, and how very careful we must be to let them become distinct individuals, with morals and standards, but at the same time, shelter them from the glaring harshness of reality whenever we can. To try and help them become productive members of society, while securing in themselves the knowledge that they are amazing, and beautiful, and brilliant. And that everyone is different. Thank God.

fall back

I had a lovely time in Missouri, but it was a very fast trip, spanning various states, and multiple time zones, all in a 4 day stretch. Add to that staying up way too late watching chick flicks and giggling, and you have the recipe for one tired mama. (Let me clarify-my mom and the aunties were still going strong, I think I even slowed them down sometimes!)
It is so amazing to me how beautiful this country is. I think it's strange that people want to travel, so they think they have to leave the United States and head to some foreign and exotic land. There is so much to be seen here, so much breath taking beauty, right here, connected to the very soil where we live every day. Domestic travel is great for lots of reasons, but one is that ticket prices are usually much less costly, and when you arrive at your destination, everyone there (pretty much) speaks your language! Your money is good to go, without having to exchange it, or figuring out what the current rate of the U.S. dollar is. (math is hard) My favorite part though, is that you may have some relative (distant ones work too-look them up!) that will meet you at the other end, and lend you their couch to sleep on, and be your personal guide to the city. It doesn't get much better than that!
My Aunt Loretta was our gracious hostess this time, and was glad to show us all around the secret treasures of the St. Louis area. The food was fantastic, the weather was clear and crisp, and the company, as always, was my very favorite part. It is so neat for me to get to see places that are different from where I live. I saw ginkgo trees that were loaded with fruit, and picnicked at a state park that was filled with tall, thin trees, with sparse, yellowing leaves, that had white papery bark. I saw oriels and even a lone (brownish and kind of disappointing) cardinal! The dirt was a different color than my dirt, and the river rocks were paler than the ones we dig out of our garden. The actual earth there was made of different things than at home. I wanted so badly to go out in the evening and catch a jar full of fireflies, but the season had just ended and they had all disappeared. (my cousin told me they died, but I think they maybe flew south-since that's what I would do if I was a firefly)
We bought antiques, and took walks through crunchy leaves. We laughed. We shopped at vendors that had things from all over the world. I ate a caramel apple as big as my head. (I had help) I got a sweatshirt that was made in the shadow of Mt. Kilimanjaro (which I LOVE!) And I didn't even need my passport.




It was a great trip. I need a nap.